I'm not the main event

My event is finally behind me, and I'm just now coming up for air.

Nobody tells you how much of hosting is the months before. The promoting, the filling of the room, the quiet math of whether anyone's actually going to show up. It's a lot. And every year I forget how much until I'm in it again.

This was the sixth one. And this time something clicked that I've been circling for years.

I think my actual strength is setting the table.

Not teaching. Not presenting. Setting the table. Creating the conditions where something good can happen, and then getting out of the way.

Because here's what I've watched happen six times now. The content from the stage is genuinely great. I bring in friends who are excellent at what they do, and they deliver. But I've become more and more convinced that the stage is the nice-to-have. The real thing happens in the gaps. Two people at the bowling alley working through a pricing problem. A conversation at the axe-throwing place that turns into a business pivot. People at my house at midnight around a campfire with a drink, finally saying the thing they haven't said out loud to anyone.

That's the gold. Not the slides. The dozens of hours of unstructured conversation between people who are a step ahead, a step behind, or standing in the exact same spot you are.

And I don't make that happen. I just build the room where it can.

If there's a secret ingredient, I think I know what it is.

I always open these events with vulnerability. I go first. I put something real on the table before I ask anyone else to.

That's how I try to live in person, and it's what I'm working on doing more online. Because when one person goes first, it gives everyone else permission. The room exhales. People stop performing and start talking. And I'm convinced that permission is what actually sets people free.

I don't think the hunger for this is an accident, either. Something broke in all of us during those isolated years, and I see it everywhere now. People are starving for real relationships and genuine friendship. They want to be known. They just need someone to make the first move.

So I make the first move. That's the whole job.

I'm grateful for this work. And don't tell anybody, but in moments like those, it doesn't feel like work at all.

Here's the other thing we practiced at the event, and it's the one you can actually use today.

Reflection.

We built in a couple of windows where everyone just stopped and wrote. Looked back at what's working, what isn't, what's quietly draining them. Then looked forward at what they actually want. And those turned out to be the most powerful moments of the whole event for a lot of people. Not a session. Not a speaker. Just time to think, which almost none of us ever give ourselves.

I've seen the same thing in my own life. When I journal and reflect regularly, I'm more focused and a lot more fulfilled. When I don't, I drift.

If you've never built the habit, don't overthink it. You don't need a system or a fancy notebook. Just answer these, in full sentences or fragments, however it comes out:

What worked today?
What didn't?
What did I learn?
What am I excited about tomorrow?

That's it. Five minutes. And here's the thing I keep noticing: that's setting the table for yourself. Same idea as the event. You're not forcing an outcome, you're just creating the conditions where clarity can show up.

Try it tonight and see what comes out.

A bit off topic, but we did sneak in a family photo session last week, too! Here’s the one pose Andrea wanted to try... I was super into it! 🤥

One more thing before I go, because this one's time-sensitive.

On October 28th I'm hosting a live workshop called Raw & Real: How Your Small Business Can Beat Big Brands With Nothing but a Smartphone.

Here's who I made it for. You're good at what you do. Maybe really good. But you've watched companies with bigger budgets and slicker production take up all the air, and somewhere along the way you decided you can't compete with that, so you've stayed quiet. Or you've tried showing up and it felt so unlike you that you stopped.

That's the person I want in this room. Because the thing that actually beats a big brand isn't a bigger budget. It's a real person saying something true, and you already have everything you need to do that in your pocket.

I've been experimenting with this all year, and I'd genuinely love to have you there.

[Save my seat →]

So here's what I'd love to know in the meantime. When was the last time you gave yourself actual time to think? Not scrolling, not working, just thinking.

Hit reply and tell me what came up. I read every one.

Onward and upward, my friend,
Ryan

P.S. The workshop is October 28th and it's free. If you've been waiting to feel ready before you start showing up, come anyway. ryankoral.com/rawandreal

Currently
Reading: What to Make of a Life by Jim Collins https://amzn.to/4hPII70
Watching: Dark Matter (Apple TV)
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