Why I stayed quiet for so long

I've been quiet for a long time about the good stuff.

Not out of modesty. I want to be honest about the actual reason, because it took me a while to admit it to myself.

I'm a glass-half-full guy. Always have been. And I know that for someone whose life is genuinely hard right now, a steady stream of someone else's wins and gratitude and sunshine gets exhausting fast. I know some of you reading this don't have the relationship with your kids that you wish you had. Some of you are in the middle of a divorce. Some of you are having a rough year in business, losing projects you were counting on, staring at the whole thing and not sure which part is even worth working on anymore. Some of you are carrying something heavy I can't see.

So I stayed quiet. It felt like the kind thing to do.

This year I've been experimenting with sharing anyway, and it's been genuinely uncomfortable.

The fear is always that it reads as bragging. That I'm the guy showing you the highlight reel. And I keep trying to figure out how to share what I'm grateful for in a way that honors the people who are in a hard season right now. I don't think I've nailed it. I'm still working it out in public, which is part of why these letters exist.

Here's what I've noticed, though, and it surprised me.

When I've shared the hard things, that's when something actually happened. That's when friends showed up. That's when I found hope, and in a few cases, genuine healing. The heavy stuff is what opened the door, not the wins.

Honestly, I should've known this already. It's how my whole podcast started. The early episodes weren't me teaching from a place of having it figured out. They were me talking through the things I'd gotten wrong in my business. The mistakes, the bad calls, the lessons I learned the expensive way. That's what people connected with, and it's what kept them coming back for ten years.

Which makes me think the problem was never that I had good news. It's that I was only ever willing to show one side of the ledger, and a one-sided story doesn't connect with anybody.

So I'm trying to show both. I'm not great at it yet. There's still stuff I hold back on, and I catch myself doing it in real time. But here's one of the good ones.

Our field hockey season wrapped a couple of weeks ago.

I'll admit, I love having my evenings back. No practice, no games, nowhere to be. And at the same time there's a real little void where those girls and that competitiveness used to live. I'm learning to be thankful for seasons, including the way they end.

At the last game, everyone was crying and hugging, doing the thing you do when something good is over. And my 16-year-old daughter walked over to me and asked, "Dad, can we get a quick photo?"

She posted it later. And she captioned it "Coach Uncle Dad."

If you've been here a while, you know that Uncle Dad is what our closest friends' kids started calling me, and it stuck across the whole crew. Charlotte added the "Coach" part herself.

I'm not going to pretend that didn't wreck me a little.

And here's the part I actually want you to hear, because it's the honest version. Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent. And honestly, the same goes for running a business. I second-guess which offers to focus on, which opportunities to chase, whether the thing I'm building is the right thing. I'm not sharing that photo because I've got it all figured out. I'm sharing it because every once in a while, something comes back to you that says you might be doing something right, even when you can't see it from the inside.

If you're in a hard stretch, with your kids or with your work, I'm not holding this up as a scoreboard. I'm telling you I have people in my corner, and I know exactly how much that's worth, because I remember what it's like to wonder if anyone is.

One more thing before I go.

On October 28th I'm hosting a free workshop called Raw and Real.

Here's who it's for. You've been meaning to show up online for a while now. You have zero desire to become an influencer or a YouTuber. But there's something in you that you know you should be sharing, so you can serve more people than you're reaching right now.

And every time you get close, you find a reason not to. The lighting isn't right. You don't like how you sound. You'll start next month when things calm down.

Underneath all of that is usually comparison. There's always someone doing what you do who looks better doing it. Better production. Better delivery. Says in one sentence what takes you four. That has stopped me more times than I want to admit, and it's the exact thing this workshop is built to help us get past. Together, not alone.

If you're the best-kept secret in your industry and you're tired of being that, this one's for you. I'd really love to have you there.

And a heads up, so there are no surprises: at the end, I'll share something new for anyone who wants to keep going together as a group. But the workshop itself is the real thing. Come for that.

[Save my seat →]

And wherever you are this week, heavy or hopeful or somewhere in between, I'd love to hear it. Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.

Onward and upward, my friend,
Ryan

P.S. Raw and Real is October 28th and it's free. Come even if you're not ready. Especially if you're not ready. ryankoral.com/rawandreal